Category: Thoughts

There is a young woman in this world who wants nothing more than to be happy. Lost a mother at a youngish age which effected her more that she ever realised. She has spent her days watching other people doing every day things with their mother as she has grown. Shopping, taking short breaks, having afternoon tea, going for spa days. She has always wondered what she would be doing with her mother had she still been here. 

She puts on a front for the world. Every morning applying the face that she thinks is acceptable to society. Just wanting I be accepted for who she is. Over time she became very close to her grandfather. Confiding her thoughts, experiences and concerns to him. They became fast friends after a distant childhood relationship with him. He is her number one, her main man, her voice of reason and her source of sanity. When the whole world seems to have gone mad he is the one person who shares her opinions and outlooks. He helps her through tough times.  

December 2016 all this came crashing down when he was hospitalised. He never came home. Despite the fact that she has a boyfriend, grandmother, father and brother left she feels totally alone because her confidant is gone. Still she puts on that front and carries on as best she can. Only letting the tears flow when she knows that she is alone. 

Faced with health issues of her own she tries to keep her spirits up.  Not always able to do so but she tries her best. 

The boyfriend. Not a perfect human but who is. Damaged by his upbringing yet not realising it. Father at a young age yet not in touch with his child. Part of her believes that this may be down to his own aggressive actions in the past. He is the type of person who is always longing for acceptance. Wants to be the best at everything yet not willing to work for this. Happy to take credit for the littlest of things even if it wasn’t totally his achievement. Useless with finances yet never appreciates everything she does to give him the life that he is currently living. He has it all in her eyes, yet he is never satisfied. Always wanting more.

The grandmother. Another broken soul, lost the love of her life but still tries her hardest to make the best of every day. The strongest person she knows. To have gone through so much and still manage a smile is more than an acomplishment. The girl will do all she can to help her grandmother and always will as she is the only constant person left in her life. 

The father. Another person who has been through so much loss. Has worked hard to provide for his children but you can see it has been a struggle. Being a single parent was not something he thought he would have to deal with. He has done a good job despite a few hiccups along the way. She loves her father and would do anything to help him. He now has a new girlfriend and despite the baggage she thinks he is happy and this in turn lessens the worry she has once felt for him.

The brother. Never present but she loves him more than he realises. Querky, dry sense of humour but that’s what makes him who he is. She could be in pieces but one call from him can lift her spirits, not that he knows this.

Despite all these people, she still feels totally alone. The loss she has been through in her short life is becoming more that she can bear. No outlet to discuss feelings, thought and worries with. No one that she feels could understand anyway. 

Powering through day by day trying to better herself but not necessarily achieving this ever moving goal. Another day another drama. Will it ever end.